I just wanted to share some random pics since I haven't posted any lately.

He insisted on a band-aid, it was the only way we could take his picture.

Mowing the lawn.  He is such a big helper.

I was getting some 1 year pics and the wind started blowing through the trees, she was in awe.

Kirby starting to become an adult puppy, he's almost 4!

Our 1 year old on her birthday.  "Today, i eat cake - yum yum"

Her first time eating cake, of course she liked it!

Their first pumpkin patch together!

AJ decided to help Ryan out with her cake 

Flowers and Bugs Birthday

Spookyville at the Fair Grounds

AJ was Buzz Lightyear (of course) Ryan was a chipmunk

AJ loves tractors!

Now no one can say I haven't posted any recent pics.  I'll try and be more organized next time though!

I love my babies...

I love babies, that really isn't a secret, but I don't just love them in the babies are so cute and soft, kind of way.  Of course, they are cute and there really in nothing in the world softer then a new babies cheeks.  Either pair.  There are so many things that make babies, of all ages, wonderful.  Although, there is one thing better then babies...your own babies.

I love...

Your newborn squishing into the tiniest ball on your shoulder and snuggling into your neck.  

Kissing the palms of those chubby little hands.  (Even when one of the babies is three and a half.)

The giggles of anticipation when they know you are going to tickle them again.

Chubby Cheekys.  Luckily I was blessed with two chunkers that have cheeks for days.

The crazy hair, bleary eyed, smile on their faces when they see you for the first time in the morning.

Watching them imitate something you do everyday.

Hearing the sounds of ma-ma and da-da for the first time.

Waking up in the morning to find them snuggled up next to you.

The wonder in their eyes when they see things like a tree blowing in the breeze.

Oh goodness I could go on forever.  That doesn't even begin to put a dent in what I love about babies and my children specifically.

simple and extraordinary...

Almost every day I watch AJ playing or just walking around and I think "I can't believe how big he is".  He is such a big boy, a little man, a big brother and to this day completely amazing.  I constantly have to remind myself that he is not even 4 yet, there is still so much for him to learn.  He has come so far and seems so much older.  He has really gotten into play acting.  He plays with his little people and figures and pretends they are blasting off into outer space or going to rescue someone from a fire.  He tells me that I am in trouble and he is going to rescue me or pretends that he is a gate keeper letting Kirby pass after the gate opens.  I like that he is so interested in helping, though he does still pretend to be 'the bad guy' sometimes.

This morning Ryan was supposed to be napping, instead she was standing in her crib, without any support, clapping her hands.  So I started clapping with her and said "yeaaa!".  She stopped clapping, laughed and put her hands to her side, still standing.  I stopped too.  She giggled and started clapping again, so I did too.  She stopped and laughed.  We went back and forth like this for a couple minutes, each time she would laugh harder and harder until she threw herself down to her mattress and started playing peek-a-boo, which really gets her going.  It is so cute that something as simple as clapping her hands and getting mommy to play along was such a delightful game.

Every time I see that simple joy in either of their eyes I step back and remind myself, yet again, of how simple it is to be happy.  One child is happy clapping her hands and laughing with mommy and another is happy because mommy helped him out of the mud puddle that developed in the middle of the living room.  I am happy to be there for both of them but I need to remember to also be happy for myself.  It can be so simple, you just need to find your own reason to laugh or game of pretend.

Mommy Ramblings...

I am such a moocher when it comes to blogging, I have so many thoughts about things to write about but when I sit down to do it they all disappear.  Then as I read others blogs I think 'hey I have some thoughts on that or my own spin on that subject', so here is one.  My friend Jenn's newest post about becoming a mom got me thinking.

I had my first kid before quite a few of my friends and family, actually my second came along before most of them, too.  That is far from saying I am an expert, but there of course are some bits of wisdom that I can pass on and am always very open and willing to be as straight forward and answer any questions that anyone has.  A few mommies-to-be took me up on some of this advice.  I would answer their questions and go on little side ramblings that I hoped would be helpful but never wanted to ramble too much.  Some mommies, I knew might scare, which is not something I wanted to be responsible for.  Others appreciated the info but I knew they also wanted to experience things for themselves so I wouldn't reveal too much.  I would listen to their ideas and thoughts of how it was and how it would be but didn't want to sound like I was preaching so wouldn't offer info unless I was asked.  I always hoped some would ask more questions, but knew I shouldn't push it.

I talk to those new mommies now and they tell me their stories like I'm not a mom myself and I think 'yeah, I know, I was just there'.  I don't shake my head and mutter 'see I told you', or stare at them in disbelief and say 'are you freaking joking me, you think it was easy for me', even though sometimes that is exactly what I want to do.  Everyone handles things in a different way, a way that seems right to them at the time.  You do what you think is best, the key word of course being 'think'.  Because even the second time around what worked last time and you 'think' will work again, won't.  These are all things that have to be figured out by trial and error, like everything else in life.

Not including my own, I have attended two births.  I was there when my youngest cousin was born and was also present when my best friend gave birth to her second daughter.  As long as I can remember I've wanted children.  I didn't just want to have a baby.  I wanted the whole experience.  From finding out I was pregnant and watching my body grow, to experiencing the pains of labor, knowing that my body was doing what it was meant to do as a woman, to becoming a parent and growing with my child watching them become a person I helped mold.  To me that was what having a baby meant.  Even after seeing first hand, at the age of 12, what giving birth was, I still wanted to experience it all and wasn't one bit afraid.

I knew I could do it, as I said this is what my body was meant to do.   I had the picture in my mind how it would happen (with variations of course, I wasn't a total fruitcake).  Though when the time came, nothing happened.  Next thing I knew I was having a c-section.  It was difficult for me and took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I would never experience labor, which was something that I always wanted and for a while it felt like I had been denied something as a women.  I didn't really express these thoughts for a while, knowing that I had nothing to complain about.  Though I have always believed that if it's something that bothers you then it's something worth dealing with, not pushing to the back of your mind.

So I started talking about it and now I look at it like this...First, there was obviously some reason that I wasn't supposed to labor and I realize that I may never know what that reason is.  I also know that worst case scenario that reason could involve me not being here today.  Second,  I had no problem getting pregnant, pregnancy was relatively easy, delivery went well and I had no major problems after.  So if the only hiccup in the whole thing was that I had to have a c-section, I'll take it.  Third, a c-section is no easier then labor, sure the getting the baby out part may be quicker, but recovery sucks.  I'd say they are pretty even since both have their good and their bad points.  Lastly, and most importantly, I got two beautiful babies out of it and a heck of a scar to use as a major guilt trip on them in their teenage years when they give me crap.

It is so easy to feel completely alone as a mommy.  You wonder how so many moms manage to get up and shower and even put on lip gloss, when you are dealing with the newest stage of clingy, not eating, not sleeping, temper tantrum craziness.  So you avoid those put together mommies because you think that they will look down at you like you are a bad mom because you can't even handle your own kid.  I will tell you now that if any mother tries to claim that little Suzy or Tommy has been a breeze since day one, she's lying.  Plain and simple.  I had a pretty easy time with AJ as an infant but man am I paying for it now in the preschool age.  Ryan is not afraid to tell you what's what so I'm hoping that she will be a bit more mellow in the next couple years *fingers crossed*.  

I'm not a very big extrovert but even the occasional chat with a mom at the playground can make you feel so much better when you share stories and woes about how your 3 and a half year olds won't eat anything but cheese pizza and strawberries once a day or how they have the ability to throw a fit about what shirt they have to wear after you have given them the choice and they've changed their mind three times.  It's that small conversation that puts a smile on your face and has you wandering back to your purse to dig out your lip gloss.

Every story and experience is different.

Sometimes, you know...

I always strive to be happy and positive and optimistic.  I know that there is good with bad.  I understand that when I am having a bad day it is not the fault of other people.  I realize that there are things that annoy me but what difference does it really make.  Just because I have the ability to talk and the freedom to say what I am thinking doesn't make it right.  Sometimes I really want to tell someone to stuff it or to shout at another that I just don't care.  But, unlike those people that feel the need to say every little thing and think they have the right to be as rude as they can possibly be, I instead tell myself that they are not worth it.  The argument is not worth it.  The strain that I would put on myself and the neglect that my family would bare just so that I could get my two cents in is just not worth it.  If those people want to go out and say whatever they must say because they think it will make them feel better or show people how smart they are, then so be it.  I will not let the ignorance of other people, that mean nothing to me, bring me to a place that is not healthy.  I will continue to smile, say please and thank you and respect the beliefs of others even if they are not my own.  I only wish that those people that are so quick to judge and ridicule and lash out would take one moment before speaking to step back and think about what they are going to say.  Does it matter?  Will it hurt another person?  Will it actually change anything?  Are they showing the same consideration that they want for themselves?  Of course they don't ask themselves these questions because for the most part they don't care about the person standing across from them.  They don't care what the other person thinks or feels or has to say, as long as they get out their own opinion.  So even though I strive to be positive I, too, have moments of weakness that makes me want to spit out the thoughts in my head, I guess this was one of those times.  

I contemplated not even publishing this post, I feel like I am doing exactly what I just ranted about.  But doesn't that make me the person I hope others would be?  I'm actually thinking about what I'm saying and not just spewing out to intentionally harm someone.  I don't think it will change anything, but I'm not hurting anyone and I'm hoping it will get other people thinking.  I definitely took other peoples feelings into consideration or I wouldn't be writing this.  What do you think?

Daddy's on an 'adbenture'...

It is Tuesday and we have been without Jasey for 2 days.  He left Sunday morning for what AJ calls an 'adbenture', I think that's the Latino in him coming out.  You know, V's sounding like B's...  Anyway, Jasey is on a little road trip.  We were all going to go but after talking we agreed that Jasey going alone would be better for many different reasons.  There was going to be a lot of driving in not a lot of time.  Throw in two kids cooped up in car seats and hotel rooms and I could see my sanity flying straight out the window somewhere along Interstate 81, and that would just be no good.  So, I helped pack and load up and sent him on his way.  

He drove all day Sunday to be ready for his first stop on Monday in North Carolina.  Then he hopped back in the car for a short drive to Virginia.  After a long day there another longer drive awaits him as he crosses a time line and heads into Tennessee.  Next will be a drive into Georgia and a two night stay there before he finally heads back home on Friday.  That is four states in four days, not including Florida and other states that are driven through along the way.  Just thinking about it I am glad for the decision we made to leave me and the kids at home.  Of course I miss him and would love to be with him but I think he is, at this very moment, on that fateful drive from Virginia to Tennessee that would claim my sanity.  Instead I am calm, cool and collected, ahhhh.  Oh wait, excuse me while I stop the children from climbing the bookcases.  

The whole point of the trip is to visit schools that he is looking to attend.  He has already had interviews with some of the schools, as part of the application process.  During this trip he is meeting with students, having lunches with them and sitting in on classes.  He is also trying to get a general feel for each town and if it would be a good place for our family.  We will most likely be taking another trip in the coming months that focuses mostly on exploring the cities and towns that the schools are in.  Though as it stands the only thing we know for sure it that we will be moving sometime next summer.  If it will even be one of the four places that Jasey is visiting right now, I can't say 100%, though I would be willing to say it with 95% certainty.  

So we wait for daddy to return from his 'adbenture' and hope that it is a success and not too tiring, he has school the day after he returns and it's mid-term week.  We talk each night and get the scoop on how each others day went, that is if we aren't cut off by screaming kids or failing phone reception.  I even sent him pictures of the kids sleeping the first night, they were so cute I had to share.  To be honest, during the day there isn't much difference from when he's in town and at night i'm kinda digging sleeping sprawled out in the middle of the bed.  But, I will be very happy when Friday rolls around and drives up in front of the house.  Even better, I know the kids will be very happy to see him and there is nothing cuter then seeing kids excited about seeing their daddy.  

today, I eat cake...

There is no picture yet, but today Ryan is donning a cute little onesie that states "Today, I eat cake...yum, yum."  This is a very fitting statement for our 'petite little girl'.  She eats anything!  She is just getting her first molars in, yet a month ago the girl was eating steak.  Yes, steak!  As in sirloin, cooked on a grill...and chewing it with no molars, just gums.  But she loved it.  So I figured I would mark today, her first taste of cake, with the adorable little onesie that I found on cafepress.com.  I am saving the "It's my First Birthday" onesie for her party on Sunday.  

So I guess typically this is the blog where I am supposed to remember my experience from a year ago and give a recount of the days happenings.  I don't usually think that way, to me it's more of a "holy crap has it really been a year!?!?!"  sort of recollection.  Of course I remember waiting in the hospital room and getting prepped for surgery.  I remember...well a lot more from Ryan's section then I do AJ's, in general.  I remember thinking how much tinier she looked than AJ did and wondering if I should make them weigh her again.  But again my main thought is "Oh my goodness, how can she already be a year old!?"  

There is so much that happens in the first year, it actually seems to go quicker then the 9 month pregnancy, which is another perfect example of how hormones and memory screw with you during these times so that all you can remember when it's all over are the good things and if you do remember the not so great parts you immediately think "well, I made it through so it couldn't have been that bad, lets have another baby"  and next thing you know...no I'm not about to tell you that I am pregnant again.  Lets all remember that there is also a very active preschooler in the house.  Very active preschoolers are the best birth control since abstinence.   

Anyway back to Ryan turning one and wearing a cute little onesie saying "Today, I eat cake..yum, yum."  I certainly can't imagine my life without her.  She makes me smile when I think about her and laugh out loud when she smiles at me.  AJ started our family and Ryan came along to complete it.  I am so happy be a mommy to both of them.  Happy Birthday Ryan Addison.