I've been thinking about a post about hormones pretty much ever since Ryan was born. Now two and a half years later here it is. I have always been 'emotional'. As a young girl I'm told I was fairly theatrical with my emotions. I don't know if I was any more dramatic than other girls my age. Though my mom may have a different opinion on that. As I got older, into my teens, I became more temperamental, but what teen isn't? I did dumb things and let my emotions get the better of me at times. In my 20s nostalgia kind of took over. I missed the way things were, tried to hold onto things too long and had a hard time moving on. As with everything else in the world, each part of my life and all the emotions that went along with it helped me along the way, blah, made me who I am, blah, blah, better person. Ok now that I got all that out of the way. Lets move onto my late 20s and my 30s (all two years and a month) (but who's counting?)
Jasey and I got back together, got engaged and got married in a relatively short amount of time. During this time I became very sentimental. We were mushy and romantic, heck we were newly weds. Apparently I'm pretty typical when it comes to emotions.
Enter the children.
And the hormones.
Pregnancy hormones are a completely different story. Besides changing just about everything you learned about your body throughout your life from your hair to your skin to your ankle girth they totally play tricks on your mind. I wasn't whacky but I could tell when it was pretty bad. I would be irrational for no reason. It would turn into anger and I would snap with a bitchy comment or snide remark. I knew right away I was being unreasonable, so I'd take a deep breath and calm myself, then apologize, usually to Jasey. I would be good for a while and keep an eye out for crazy Andrea. It was a foolishly absurd roller coaster that I can laugh at now. Luckily I wasn't too bad. I don't think I was anyway, this time Jasey might be the one with the different opinion.
Even though I had my crazy times, pregnancy made my sentimental side even more prominent. Though I was no longer just sentimental, I was sensitive. Things that would make me reminiscent or misty eyed in the past had me out right sobbing now. Sensitive and irrational, not a good combination. I'd go from upset and teary eyed, to mad and bitchy then back to weepy, in no time. Oh, how I miss being pregnant. Really, I do. If for no other reason that you can act like that while pregnant and you have the perfect excuse, you can't help it! Awesome! (Though there are many other reasons why I loved being pregnant)
I knew I would still have some crazy hormones after the kids were born. With the breast feeding and the sleep deprivation and the general trying to figure out a new way of life, you know the hormones are there but they have become part of your life by that point. No big deal. So I get teary eyed when I see a picture of a baby chick, so what, they are cute. So I cry when I try for the third time to get the bottle cap screwed on straight, whatever, it's frustrating. So I end up as a blubbering snotty mess rolling around on the floor when I run out of my favorite kind of cereal...whoa, what? Yeah, hormones, they sneak up on you. (none of those actually happened to me, that I can remember, but they are pretty good examples, believe me)
My hormones hadn't quite leveled out after AJ and then I ended up pregnant with Ryan less than two years later, it wasn't a big deal. You could even say it was normal. Who knows I don't remember. That's a great thing about pregnancy and childbirth you remember that parts of it sucked and you remember that parts of it hurt and you remember that parts of it really sucked and really hurt but when it comes right down to it you don't remember specifics. I think that's the true miracle of parenthood. During those first months, the long nights and no sleep help erase your memory so you think "that wasn't so bad I think I'll have another"
I am not pregnant nor do I plan to be, we are done. I wouldn't be opposed to another (I kick myself as I say that) but we aren't planning on another so it would be a complete shocker if it happened. Just in case anyone was wondering. Anyway it's been two and a half years since Ryan was born. The irrational, unreasonable Andrea has said her goodbyes. The sentimental Andrea I think is here to stay which is fine, she's cool. But it's that ultra sensitive Andrea that is trying to hang on. Doesn't she know she was only supposed to be around to level out irrational Andrea? Instead, I'm just a weepy, crying mess at odd times, luckily it's usually only when I am home. Though sometimes weepy Dre doesn't do the best job of holding back when we are in public. Freaking Andrea.
Which brings me to the whole point of this long, drawn out, babbling post. I cry at everything! I blame it on hormones but after two and a half years you would think that would all be worked out by now. I always cry at Publix holiday commercials because face it those are good commercials. The little Pilgrim people S&P shakers holding hands, adorable! The 20 something kid that can't make it home for the holidays and when he walks into his apartment his entire family is there decorating. Oh my, I'm crying as I write it. There are songs that always get me, I don't hear them very often but when that one verse hits so do the tears. There are stories of heroic little kids not much older then AJ who save their little siblings from burning buildings or attacking dogs. Now I'm getting choked up.
These things are understandable. I have a completely new view of families and being with the ones you love. I have young children that I would be devastated if something happened to them yet so proud of if they helped a person in need at such a young age, especially their own brother or sister, talk about double whammy. I may still be overly sensitive about these sorts of scenarios but I think it comes with the territory.
So, explain to me this...
Why is it that when I sit down and watch a movie like Toy Story 3, Astro Boy or Tinkerbell with the kids I end up just as much, if not more, of a blubbering mess as I do when hearing a touching true story. Am I that out of whack that a made up story about toys on a mission or a robot boy or pixies will make me cry. Now don't misunderstand me. I'm not talking that I get a little misty eyed because it's a nice story. I'm talking tears and tissues and the only reason I'm not whimpering is so I don't scare the kids.
Maybe it's my flaw of putting human emotions on things and animals (I do this with Kirby) or my belief that anything is possible. So, when I see them played out as toys with fear and love in their eyes as they are about to be burned 'alive' or fairies that bring spring to the Mainland to magical music, it's easy for my mind to comprehend as truth or possibility, then my mind calls out 'cue the tear ducts!' Immediately rational Andrea pushes her way back in rolling her eyes and gives sensitive Andrea time to gather herself together before kicking her in the behind and telling her to get with the rest of the bunch so we can finish the laundry.
Is it hormones? Is it age? Is it my still (kind of) new roll as mommy? Or is it the Disney enterprise that has some sort of evil sickness to make moms everywhere cry so that our loving, nurturing side and our mommyness will make us buy more movies for our kids so that our kids will love Disney characters and then we will eventually have to take them to Disney World or be deemed as a bad parent? That's probably it! Oh look irrational Andrea stopped by to say 'Hi'.
Emotions and hormones. They are a lot of fun.